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early in the morning, i just finished my last can of beer from my freezer, and just finished "raising Helen"---------------------------------------------------so i didnt go home this weekend, because things just poped up like that....the bills stuff, and my to-be-done paper....somehow i wonder when i will be able to get rid of all these and get on with my life...somehow Lou was kinda right, before i get off from one thing completely, i already start looking for something else to do, even get involve with the old stuff, yeah...i know, i am getting myself into troubles most of the times....that's something i can not argue about.somehow it becomes so ironic, the more i want to go home, the less chances and time for me to do it.i do want to go home, family means more than anything else to me, to honest, family is actually all i have, and the only thing i can trust right now, pretty pathetic, how can a person become like this!?probably because myself, i think too much, and i worried too much, this part has made me gone into extreme,my life is basically broken into pieces now, which i dont really know how and why....the whole past year made me realize that the true meaning of being"individual," even different from anyone else, humanity has nothing left but calculating, grouping and isolating....is it me who made everything go this way?i want to be kind, i want to be friendly, but at the end of the day, i am always seem to be the one of those who get gurt,however i dont want to get hurt no more, so does that mean i have to start stay away from people?to keep distance with everyone else?this is not the outcome i am hoping for....so is it true that everyone was destined to be alone?or just me?
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